


SSBULine

by tman2003



Category: QWERPLine (Podcast), Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Dark Pit is Jeff, Graham is Ganondorf, Joker is Gus, Mario is Joan, Snake is Montgomery Cone, The other fighters are other Qwerpline characters, Waluigi is Michael O’Leary, alph is alex, bayonetta is edith, pit is derek, richter as himself, rosalina is sadie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:21:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23159974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tman2003/pseuds/tman2003
Summary: Just this idea I got where the Smash gang are now playing roles in QWERPline (a podcast is highly recommend to Night Vale fans).
Relationships: Ganondorf/Alph (friendship), Richter Belmont/Inkling OC (father-daughter)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	1. Smashketball Season!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big shout-out to Super Smash Prose, a wonderful discord server that’s getting my works attention!

ANNOUNCER: You’re listening to SSBUline (man how do I even say that) here on SSBUFM! SSBUline this week is brought to you by...  
United Unicorn Uniras!  
Ever wanted to pick up a Unira but hurt yourself on the spikes? Well United Unicorn Uniras has you covered! Choose from our selection of one spiked urichins for your Smashes or any other occasion! United Unicorn Uniras! Unique in a Unity of ways!  
*SSBUline music plays*  
GANONDORF: Good morning Smashville, Big G-Money here with A-Train, hows it going Alph?  
ALPH: Ever noticed how you’re the only default black fighter here?  
GANONDORF: Um, oookey, moving on...Tonight the Smashketball season is starting up, so we brought Sports Reporter David “Solid Snake” to tell you what you need to know!  
Waluigi *muffled*: I HEARD THAT! I’m stuck in a closet, you know! Waaa!  
ALPH: Um, anyone hear something?  
GANONDORF: Maybe...?  
SOLID SNAKE: Who cares, maggots? Smashketball season is starting up, and let’s get this straight. The Smashville Literal Ocelots are looking mighty keen this year, what with Betty Betta, our star Inkling, being our first razzler, and Joey Dew, our star Villager, being our second dazzler, if I were a gambler, I’d totally bet on our team right now. Just, the N.P.C. Pork Rats are looking worse and worse every year, and now they’ve gone and populated their team entirely with Mr. Game & Watches, they’re so lightweight that they’re all gonna die!  
GANONDORF: Um, lovely Snake. Speaking of wanting to die...  
ALPH: DON’T SAY IT!  
GANONDORF: Let’s check in with our traffic reporter...  
ALPH: HAVE MERCY!  
GANONDORF: Richter Belmont!  
RICHTER: THANK YOU, GANONDORF! FROM UP HERE, I CAN MAKE A FORTUNE ON STREAMING!  
GANONDORF: Streaming, huh? Nintendo has no such capabilities!  
RICHTER: WHO CARES? IT’S ALL IN-UNIVERSE! FOR A GOD I WOULD BE, BUT I’M CHRISTIAN SO I’LL SETTLE FOR AN ANGEL!  
ALPH: GOD DAMN IT RICHTER!  
GANONDORF: Moving on... Oh no. Summer intern Pit is reporting live on the possibilities of a police force in this town.  
PIT: Thank you, G! I’m here to interview Yoshi on this possibility. Hey Yoshe, what do you think of a police force in town?  
YOSHI: *heavy sweating*  
PIT: Oh, it’s kinda hot out today, isn’t it. Let me take off my top robes.... ahh that’s better. So, are you in favor of the change or not?  
YOSHI: *Hrmmmm intensifies*  
PIT: Well, that’s swell! I suppose it would be nice that no one, say, commits ta-  
YOSHI: YOOOSHIIIII!!!!  
PIT: Um, ok. That’s what I got, G! Back to you!  
GANONDORF: Oookey, Pit. (I don’t think he understood any of what Yoshi tried to tell him).  
*WHOMP-WHOMP-WAAAA*  
ALPH: JOKER, STOP IT!  
GANONDORF: Well, in that note, that’s all the time we have today. This is Big G-Money...  
ALPH: And A-Train...  
BOTH: Signing off.  
ANNOUNCER: This has been SSBUline, here on SSBUFM! SSBUline this week has been brought to you by...  
The United Unicorn Uniras! They can hum in unison!  
*SSBUline music*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven’t already, go check out the podcast QWERPLine. You may not get all the jokes.


	2. The Art of the Waft Exhibition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today, Edi-err, I mean, Bayonetta, is on location for a very smelly art exhibit.

ANNOUNCER: You’re listening to SSBULine, here on SSBUFM! SSBULine this week is brought to you by...  
Garden Grown Goomba Gum! Gum for goombas, garden grown! Choose from a variety of flavors, like Mint, Bubble, or Plumbing! Garden Grown Goomba Gum! Definitely not made of Goombas!  
*SSBULine music*  
GANONDORF: Good morning Smashville, Big G-Money here with A-Train, hows it going Alph?  
ALPH: Why is it that I’m not even an echo?  
GANONDORF: Uhh..well... Moving on... What a beautiful day in Smashville: Watch for Falling Rocks. Hmm. Haven’t ever seen those.  
ALPH: That must’ve been a nickname written by another stage’s inhabitant, and was confused for Nsburg because the sorter was on autopilot.  
GANONDORF: Hmm. Weird. Well, anyways. Today, we have Fine Arts reporter Bayonetta reporting live on a new art exhibition called, man I don’t want to say this, The Art of the Waft.  
BAYONETTA: Thank you, G. I’m here to talk to the wonderful creator of this work, Wario. What do you mean by, “The Art of the Waft,” and why have you created such, Pollock-esque masterpieces?  
WARIO: WAAHAA! I’m glad you appreciate my work! I simply scatter some paint buckets across a giant canvas, and fart right in the middle! Why? EASY MONEY! WAAAAHAHAHAWAAAAHAAHAAHAA!  
BAYONETTA: I can still smell the waft. I think I just peed a little. Back to you, G.  
GANONDORF: Eww...  
ALPH: Diiiisgusting.  
GANONDORF: And speaking of disgusting...  
ALPH: PLEASE DEAR GOD!  
GANONDORF: Let’s check in with the traffic reporter, Richter Belmont!  
ANNOUNCER: TRAFFIC!  
*SSBULine music*  
RICHTER: THANK YOU, G! I’M HERE WITH MY NEW ADOPTIVE DAUGHTER, JOY!  
JOY: Woomy!  
GANONDORF: Glad to see you starting a family, Richter. But do you speak Inklish?  
RICHTER: WHAT? FAMILY? I JUST RANDOMLY FOUND HER SKIPPING ABOUT AND TOOK HER! AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND A WORD SHE SAYS!  
ALPH: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I JUST HATE YOU, RICHTER!  
RICHTER: NICE TALKING TO YOU, G! BYE!  
*boop*  
GANONDORF: Anyways, Rosalina has been in our studio observatory, and is ready to share her weather predictions. Over to you, Rosa!  
ROSALINA: 🎵Thank you, Graham!🎵 Today will be sunny skies all day. Tomorrow will be quite rainy. The next day will be raining from the sun. Then cats and dogs will fall out of the sky the next. Then, one day later, the universe will be flooded with water and small household pets and we all die.  
GANONDORF: Lovely. Just lovely. I don’t think I buy that. So, I think that’s all the time we have today. As always, this is Big G-Money...  
ALPH: And A-Train...  
GANONDORF: Signing off.  
ANNOUNCER: You’ve been listening to SSBULine, here on SSBUFM. Today’s sponsor was Garden Grown Goomba Gum. Alright, I guess it is made of Goombas!  
*SSBULine music*


	3. Smashville Annual Book Festival!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pit and Bayonetta are on location at the titular festival. What could possibly go wrong?

XANDER: You're listening to SSBULine here on SSBU-FM! SSBULine this week is brought to you by... Leo and Lea's Lovable Literate L-Blocks! Ever wanted a Tetris piece that can read books while it's waiting to disappear, I guess? Well, um... This is for you! Leo and Lea's Lovable Literate L-Blocks! They can only read the letter L!

*SSBULine music*

* * *

GANONDORF: Welcome back to SSBULine, Big G-Money here with A-Train, how's it going Alph?

ALPH: Hm. My leg gurgled.

GANONDORF: Oooookey, well it's a sunny morning here in beautiful Smashville: If you can't beat 'em, practice harder!

ALPH: Good advice for all those listeners out there in the real world.

GANONDORF: Good advice indeed, not many slogans are of that quality! Anyways, it's time for our daily traffic report, brought to you by the wonderful Richter Belmont!

ALPH: oh god no...

JOKER: Traffic!

*SSBULine music*

RICHTER: WOW! I CAN SEE EVERYTHING! I'M GETTING AMAZING TRAFFIC!

GANONDORF: Well, A:, it's good you're doing the job, and B:, traffic is not a good th-

RICHTER: NOT THAT KIND OF TRAFFIC, GANONDORF! I'M STREAMING THIS WHOLE FLIGHT ON TWITCH! AT THIS RATE I'LL HAVE MY MILLIONTH FOLLOWER IN NO TIME!!1!1!1!

ALPH: YOU'VE STRUCK AGAIN, RICHTER!

*boop*

GANONDORF: Alrighty, then. In other news, there is a book festival going on downtown, and Pit and Bayonetta have been sent to check it out. Pit will handle the interviews, while Bayo can deal with actual reading.

ALPH: And _why_ those two?

GANONDORF: I figured they needed the bonding. Handing it over to Pit

PIT: Wait. I can't read, and I'm sent to a festival about reading with...the one who wants me dead.

BAYONETTA: Relax, darling, this'll be fun! Now where are the spicy new romance books...ah, here we are. My favorite author. Y. R. U. Reedyng.

PIT: Um, ok........Hello there Lucina! What've you been reading?

LUCINA: Well, George R.R. Martin is good...the actual show, not so much.

PIT: And you, Red?

RED: Oh, I don't have time to read any "adult" books. I'm basically a busy dad, reading bedtime stories to my Pokemon.

PIT: How about you, Captain Falcon?

CAP: Yesss!

PIT: Ok, what are you reading?

CAP: Yesss! Yesss! Ye-

PIT: Ok, good to know. Bayo, over to you.

BAYONETTA: Alright, for my book review of _Love is like a Pie in the Face, Because it Is._ Very, umm, interesting how they used cream pies as a metaphor for, well, you know, and the comedy of the book was well thought out. Overall, an 8/10. G, over to you.

* * *

GANONDORF: Alright, seems a little iffy for a Teen rated fic, but we’ll go with it. So, I think that wraps up today’s episode. As always, this is Big G-Money

ALPH: And A-Train...

GANONDORF: Signing off.

* * *

XANDER: YOU’VE JUST BEEN LISTENING TO SSBULINE, HERE ON SSBU-FM! SSBULINE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU THIS WEEK BY

LEO AND LEA’S LOVABLE LITERATE L-BLOCKS! THEY JUST LEARNED THE LETTER J!

*SSBULINE MUSIC*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to call the announcer Xander and not just the Announcer. And I'm giving the product proprietors names from pro Smash.


End file.
